CRPS SOUNDTRACK: Hurt

HURT

by Nine Inch Nails and also covered amazingly haunting by Johnny Cash

Ive always known the original Nine Inch Nails (NIN) original of this song and never really paid the lyrics much attention. Now looking at it from the point of view of a person with Chronic pain, I see this song in a whole new light. There are two main thoughts of what this song is about. One is that it is about recovering from Drug addiction and the other is conceptual and about the character of the songs Album, The Downward Spiral, who has attempted suicide and is contemplating his lack of legacy.

It wasn’t until the Johnny cash version came out just before his death that I really fell in love with this song in a big way. Cash’s version is so haunting and full of pain. It has the power to bring you to tears and make your heart ache. NIN front man, Trent Reznor has said of Mr Cash’s version of his song “I pop the video in, and wow… Tears welling, silence, goose-bumps… Wow. [I felt like] I just lost my girlfriend, because that song isn’t mine anymore… ” This version is often thought of as a Cash Original. In fact I for a long time did not realise it was the same song. Its. Just. That. Damn. Good!

[Verse 1]
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

[Chorus]
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

[Verse 2]
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

[Chorus]
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

[Outro]
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way…

I hope you are feeling pain free today. Thanks.

Resources:

https://genius.com/Nine-inch-nails-hurt-lyrics: Seen 22/12/2017

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ADELAIDE CRPS EVENT: My Speech.

If you read my last post, you will know that I, along side 3 other CRPS sufferers, gave a talk on our experiences living with the condition, during Adelaide’s first Colour The World Orange event on Nov 6, 2017. It was a great event ad by doing this we were able to give the Drs, Researchers and students some insight into living with CPRS.

I decided to participate partly because I felt I needed a challenge because part of having this condition is that it has chipped away at my self-esteem and I felt I needed to push myself somehow to gain some back. I agreed without allowing myself to think about the fact that I would be standing in front of people who knew a lot more about the condition than I do. Add to that my speech became a big issue in the week leading up to the event. Damn you CRPS!!!!!!!

In the end I was so glad I was there and gave my speech. I started out so nervous that I stumbled through the first paragraph and then after that I was fine. After I felt I could do anything, but really what I wanted to do was do it over so I could do a better job of it. lol.

So here is my speech..

Hello, My name is Sarah and I have suffered from CRPS for around 5 years. My CRPS was triggered by a burn incident that left me with second degree burns to my left arm, hand, shoulder and the left side of my face. I was at my parent’s place where my Dad had a fire burning for doing a pre-summer clean up. I didn’t realise that a can of spray paint had accidentally been put into a box of documents that I had the bright idea of throwing onto a fire to get rid of. Unfortunately the care I received at our local Hospital was far from adequate and It was four days before I was sent to the burn unit at the old RAH and by then infection had set in and I was in a bad way.

Despite signs that something was wrong,  it was 4 months before my first pain flare, Suddenly my left hand and arm were swollen, stiffening and loosing movement. I had electric like pain shooting up my arm and down my fingers, as well as a crushing pain in my joints and bones. It was during this time that I started researching online and discovered CRPS as a rare complication of burns. I was diagnosed with CRPS the day before my 30th B’day after I took my findings to my GP.

After my diagnosis the condition took off quickly and within 5 months it had spread into both my legs, and soon after to most of my body from the neck down. My list of other symptoms is pretty long ranging and changes from day to day. These include insomnia, fatigue, forgetfulness, and speech, vision, hearing and motor issues.

Finding other sufferers online and in person locally here in South Australia has also helped me with support and advice that has been invaluable. Alone this is a very isolating condition. Through joining Facebook groups for CRPS, I was able to meet other sufferers in person here in Adelaide and we now have our own group with over 50 statewide sufferers. That’s CRPS South Australia if anyone is interested.

Another turning point was coming under the care of the Royal Adelaide’s Pain Unit. At that point, I was losing strength in my legs, my flares left me bed ridden and I was a general mess. At the pain unit, I soon started having Ketamine infusions for 3 days every 3 months and although the first time the relief was delayed and short lasting, it did quieten down my other symptoms. A friend with CRPS had advised me that it might be this way and to not feel disheartened if change wasn’t immediate. By my third round was having lasting effects and slowly with each infusion I have gotten more control over my condition. Aside from Ketamine, I treat my condition with Lyrica and Tramadol on a daily basis.  

I have also found that gentle daily exercise helps keep my pain and symptoms in check. I walk, use a stationary bike and do a mix of small weights, yoga and Pilates. This year I also started riding a bike, something I previously couldn’t do.

I am also a big fan of adding Magnesium to my bath about once a week. I find it relaxes my muscles and helps calms my pain to a level I can deal with, especially when I have over exerted myself.

There are things that I have found hard about having this condition. Initially it was hard explaining my situation and seeing the look of doubt or confusion in people I care about, Sadly I also found myself with only a few friends left.

Now after 5 years of CRPS, for me the fatigue that comes with my CRPS is the most debilitating part. I am now working a few hours a week, and to do that I need to plan my week around the rest I need before and after each work day.

Health wise, I have been diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes, an underactive thyroid and high cholesterol since my crps diagnosis.

Mentally the condition has been a struggle with periods of anxiety and depression, I have mourned over the life I have lost and struggled with losing my independence. For a long time I wondered if there was point to life with this horrible condition, especially if it stopped me from living a meaningful life. But in a lot of ways I have also been very lucky.  

Despite the negatives of having this condition, there are positives. Including the fact that I have responded so well to the treatments I have tried, the friendships I have made through this condition and the progress I have made in the past 5 years.

I have benefited from a positive living environment at my parents’ house, in the country where It is quiet; I have my cat and my dog for company and my two horses who get me out of the house each day. I have a veggie garden to potter about in on good days. Plus I am close to the beach.

Having a positive attitude is also essential for getting through this condition

I try to treat the 3 days of my Ketamine infusions as a little holiday from my CRPS where I can rest and catch up on my sleep, as well as being looked after by the wonderful staff at the pain unit. I have also had the opportunity to speak to student doctors touring the ward about my CRPS

Having a team of Doctors, specialists and practitioners who support me is essential to my care and initially that wasn’t easy. I now drive 100km to a GP because I wasn’t the help I needed in my home town because they did not understand the condition. That is why I feel events like tonight are so important.

Thank you all for listening to my story and for educating yourself about CRPS. Good night.

Color The World Orange: ADELAIDE: Nov 6, 2017

November 6th 2017 was the 3rd COLOUR THE WORLD ORANGE day across the globe, Adelaide celebrated by lighting Adelaide Oval, the Torrens Footbridge, the Riverbank Precinct and  the Rundle Lantern in orange for the first time. According to the CTWO website Adelaide joined “Forty-nine buildings, bridges and landmarks in four countries, including Niagara Falls and the fountains in Trafalgar Square in London”

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Adelaide Oval and Torrens Footbridge lit in Orange for the first time.

As well as the lighting up of iconic Adelaide landmarks, Adelaide also hosted the first information event of its kind in Australia with the aim of creating awareness within the medical and research fields. The event was titled…

CRPS Mechanisms & Management:

What’s in fashion now? 

This event was a great opportunity for Members of the medical field to learn what it is like for those of us with CRPS and this was recognised by the organisers. Members of the CRPS South Australia Facebook group were invited to participate in the night by giving a 5 minute talk on what it is like to live with CPRS. I was happy to be one of the five who took on this challenge (It was a big challenge for me). Although only four of us were able to be there in the end, (that’s CRPS for you) we all explored different areas of living with the condition, but there were a lot of similarities.

Of course there were also talks by the Professionals. Prof Lorimer Moseley spoke of the new findings in CRPS research, Dr Velleria Bellan who was the instigator of the event(thank you) spoke of her research in Untangling visual and proprioceptive contributions to hand localisation over time. Also Dr Meredith Craigie spoke of her experience of being both a parent of a child with CRPS and also practising in pain medication and treating CRPS patients such as myself.

Overall the night was a huge success with over 200 people from both research and medical fields, Students and also other sufferers from the CRPS South Australia group. Possibly the best bit of the night was the food and wine supplied and also a GELATO CART!!! Yep that’s right, the event was supplied with a Gelato Cart with all orange colored gelato. YUM!!

A big thank you to the organisers and sponsors of this fantastic event and I look forwards to next years event.

 

 

 

OOPS!!! I forgot my CRPS anniversary.

I just sat down to my computer and realised that its the first of March and two days past my one year CRPS anniversary. Oops!!! Oh well. I did go out for dinner tonight so Ill  go back and dedicate tonight to my attempt at celebrating. lol.

I realise now that I had CRPS much earlier than Feb last year. I was injured in a burn injury the October before and put any symptoms down to healing and nerve growth. I just didnt have a flare until three and a half months after the original injury. It came as a real blow to me because I had just gotten my life back on track, started to remove my compression garments, had taken up running and gone back to work and was looking at moving to Melbourne to start over with a new perspective on life.

What a year its been. The worst I have had by a long way, but it hasn’t all been bad. I have made some fantastic friends through CRPS, become much closer to my family and friends and have a far happier outlook on life. I just don’t sweat the small stuff anymore.

Im spending next week in Adelaide so perhaps I’ll go out to celebrate the best I can. For my burn anniversary, I went to my favorite restaurant with the family and friends who had supported me. It was a fun night, as I had wanted. I didn’t see the point in dwelling on what had happened and rathered I celebrate the good that came from it and how lucky I was compared to some. I would have celebrated the other night just the same. If only I had remembered!

MEOW: My cat is the best medicine

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Ok, sure her purring and weight isn’t ideal on a bad day where even my clothing can hurt my poor body, But I love my little girl and the comfort that she gives me is worth that extra bit of discomfort. I’m in pain anyway!  On a not so bad day, I feel blessed that I am “worthy” of her cuddles. Yeah, any one with a cat knows what I mean by that! On nights when I’m flaring Molly will come to bed with me or climb my window screen until I hobble out of bed to let her in. She has taken to sleeping next to me rather than on me since I’ve developed CRPS. On a bad day she sticks by me and has taken to leading me to the couch and waiting for me to sit before lightly climbing on. She seems to know before I do that I need to rest. Although, I do think she loves having me there to nurse her all night long.

IN THE MEDIA: Chronic Pain, 7.30 South Australia

“It is a common condition, patients suffer from it, doctors treat it but Medicare doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s chronic pain. But what causes it and why do traditional drugs seem to have little effect?”

pain 730

This is the introduction to a news story that was shown on our state edition of the Current Affairs program 7.40. Its really exciting that this show has done a few stories on Chronic Pain already this year and although not exactly about CRPS, It still relates back to the treatments and the health system that I and many other Australians rely on.

I posted about the first story here. Australia’s Pain Epidemic

This story by Mike Sexton and shown on 7.30 South Australia, on Fri, 21 Feb, 2014.  Duration: 6min 13sec. It starts as stated above and then leads into some horrifying, yet unsurprising statistics that Medicare (Australia) has found that up to 5% of patients in Gp’s clinics are seeking relief from Chronic Pain. It again mentioned that most Australian’s suffering from Chronic Pain wait 2-3 years for a placement in a pain treatment facility. This leads to Gp’s prescribing more and more opioid pain Medications and leads to dependency. Clearly there is a cycle here that must be broken.  I’m hoping that the Website will post a manuscript to this story as it has done in the past so that I can post it.

One exciting thing bit of information that I learnt from the story is of a local research project happening right here in South Australia at the Bionomics Facilities in Hindmarsh, is a focus on Ion channels and their role in Chronic Pain. The story went on to report of an investment of 170 million dollars (Aust)  being made into this study by Merck & Co. That is pretty exciting really. I went onto the Bionomics Website and found the following:

“Bionomics has entered into a collaboration with Merck & Co. to develop a novel oral treatment for chronic pain. Chronic pain is a severely debilitating condition with a large unmet medical need. Current analgesic medications which include anti-epileptics, anti-arrhythmics, opioids, NSAID’s and anti-depressants, are either ineffective, associated with a range of dose limiting side effects or have the potential for abuse and addiction. Our novel treatment which is expected to deliver greater efficacy and safety than existing pain medications is directed towards an undisclosed target that has been strongly linked to chronic pain in humans.”

www.bionomics.com.au/research-development/pipeline/cns-central-nervous-system

Well Im off to investigate further and see what else I can learn about this trial and even if I can participate in any way. 🙂

 

CRPS SOUNDTRACK: Everybody Hurts

I have to say that music has gotten me through some long and lonely nights. Some nights I have felt like my life is pointless and whats the pint in it all. Its funny when you see music in a new light. Overnight I was watching Rage on the ABC and the Guest Programmer put on R.E.M’s Everybody hurts and I really understood what they were saying. Im thinking when this happens Ill do a post like this and make it a part of my CRPS SOUNDTRACK posts. Ill try to not let it all be too serious.

“Everybody Hurts”
R.E.M

When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this life, well hang onDon’t let yourself go
‘Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (Hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much
Of this life, well hang on

Everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don’t throw your hand, oh no

Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone
No, no, no, you are not alone

If you’re on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes

So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts

Lyrics are from